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02 August 2009 @ 09:53 pm
Greetings, one and all! So, stuff has happened, I contemplated having my own OC executed for deserved charges of treason and some celebrities are dead. Also, I got stabbed for insulting Utah. Now all I need to do is work in a few 'how do you confuse an Irishman' jokes and I'll have Bingo!

L and Donna are taking a break now, so they don't get over-used. They'll almost certainly return later, but for now we have a character who was -to my surprise -the most popular not-yet-used option in the poll I took a while ago. Please to be welcoming the Irish pre-teen criminal mastermind, Artemis Fowl!

Artemis: Who are you, and why am I strapped to this ridiculous chair?

EmeryBoard: He gets green because he's Irish and green is the traditional colour for the Catholic Irish and . . . umm . . . okay, I know I can work an insult out of this somehow . . .

Artemis: You do realise that I am an atheist, do you not? And I would prefer to be associated with the Protestant division of Christianity if I must pick sides.

EmeryBoard: Orange really doesn't work for text, sorry. You're just going to have to deal with it.

Artemis: And where is Butler? As my bodyguard, he must have been close when you grabbed me.

EmeryBoard: Butler? I was just going to have a two person review this time, with -

Gun: *is levelled at Emery's temple*

Butler: Right here, sir.

Artemis: Ah, Butler. Impeccable timing as usual. Now if you would just unstrap me . . .

Butler: I apologise, Master Fowl, but I appear to be tied down as well.

Emery: But then . . . who's holding the gun?

Lights: *are switched on*

Cass: Hey . . . you're not Bella!

EmeryBoard: *facepalm* Cass, are you the one who tied Butler to a chair?

Cass: What? Oh, is that his name? I found him sneaking out, so I figured one of your MSTers had gotten loose.

Butler: I was sneaking in, not sneaking out!

Cass: Wow. You managed to break him already?

EmeryBoard: *face still in hands* Can we just MST please?

Chapter 9, Part 2Collapse )
Edward-O-Meter: 036

Chapter 10, Part 1

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The natives are: crankycranky
25 June 2009 @ 11:25 pm

Hi everyone! Back again, and doing the best I can with what I have. Which is Twilight, so I think you know how hard I'm struggling here. I mean, it's gotten to the point where there aren't even any lulz -it's just boring. L and Donna will be MSTing with me again today, and they're less than happy about it.

L: Emery-san is ninety-eight percent likely to be a sadist. Why does she insist on making me suffer?

Donna: Oh, button it. If anyone should be complaining, it's me. You're used to doing unpleasant things.

L: For example?

Donna: Being chained to that Light kid. That had to be annoying.

L: It was very distracting.

Chapter 9, Part 1Collapse )

Thanks must go to forgottenranger for her help in both enjoying and finishing this MST. Without her, this was have been a lot longer in the making.

Edward-O-Meter: 033

Chapter 9, Part 2.
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The natives are: chipperchipper
24 May 2009 @ 11:45 pm

Welcome to you all. I would apologise, but you know all the excuses by now. The fact of the matter is that I am appallingly lazy. My mother has been trying to train it out of me for twenty years, and if I won't do it for my mother -well, let's be honest, I'd probably do it for you, since I go out of my way to drive my mother insane without going far enough to be openly charged with conspiracy to incite an abettor.

In other news, the Star Trek movie was made of Awesome. Fanbrats need to stop flailing around like my sister faced with cabbage soup and appreciate the potential for new, fresh material that we have here. As long as Brenan or Braga don't get involved. And now back to your programmed MST.

Thanks to everyone who voted, especially since I went through such a long patch of absolutely nothing. All the characters that received a vote will be used at one point or another -since I have a crippling case of apathy, I'm not going to tell you when. Today, however we welcome Sirius Black and Remus Lupin!

Donna: So where's the party? Any food?

L: There is a depressingly low chance that Emery-san will be serving refreshments throughout this MST.

EmeryBoard: Wait, what are you two doing here? You're not supposed to be MSTing for another couple of chapters!

Donna: Tough luck, sunshine. Apparently, Mr Tall, Pale and Bondage -

L: Call me L.

Donna: *snorts* And that's your name? A letter? Not a Doctor too, by any chance?

L: Actually, I have taken online courses in numerous -

Donna: God, it's like clones that aren't perky young pseudo-daughters. Anyway, he saw that blond man with the scars -Remus Lupin, you said he was called? -in a broom closet with a fit looking guy. Reminded me of Gary Oldman. Really interesting tattoo on his -

EmeryBoard: All right, fine! But there is going to be hell to pay for this . . .

Chapter 8, Part 2Collapse )

Okay so we summarise now. Edward is a stalker, Bella is clingy and jealous, Jessica is entirely superfluous and Donna got her mind wiped -erm, I mean, I'm not bitter!

Edward-O-Meter: 033

Chapter Nine, Part One.
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The natives are: artisticartistic
20 May 2009 @ 10:09 am
I'm trying to work on this chapter of the Twilight MST (yes, I am actually working on it, so sorry for the lo-ong wait) and I want to know who you want to see in it.

And yes, I am finally using Ticky-Boxes FOR REALZ!!! So please only pick two, or the whole thing kinda falls apart.
Poll #1402590 MST Characters

Who Do You Want to See MSTing Twilight?

the Doctor (specify in comments)
the Master (specify in comments)
any Doctor Who companion (specify in comments)
Artemis Fowl
Harry Potter
Hermione Granger
someone else (specify in comments)

It's raining here right now -wonderful, steady rain that's been going on all day. You'd have to be in Australia to appreciate how wonderful heavy rain is after so long without it.

Unless, y'know, you're in Australia and live in one of the bits that's flooded. I imagine you'd have very different feelings on rain then.
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The natives are: sicksick
28 March 2009 @ 09:02 pm

Welcome back one and all. Just so you all know how much I am suffering in silence? I do not want to be reviewing this right now. I have just finished reading The Graveyard Book and I have a brand-new Sookie Stackhouse still waiting in my library bag. I think you can see why hauling myself away from either book –especially to read this dreck –is not appealing.

Now that you all know the horrible, horrible pain I am enduring, let’s move on. Returning after quite a long absence are the Master and Raito, both eager to go –

Raito: I’m eager to go all right! I thought I’d escaped you and this madhouse.

Master: Stop your snivelling. She keeps hauling me back, day after day; apparently, I’m very popular. Far more popular than an over analytical, whiny schoolboy with delusions of godhood.

Raito: Excuse me? At least I managed to kill my arch-nemesis –

Master: And promptly lost to his very shallow imitation. Oh yes, you’re a real inspiration.

EmeryBoard: The next figment of my imagination to speak on a subject unrelated to Twilight will be forced to watch their death scene.

Raito: You wouldn’t -

EmeryBoard: *with relish* You both cry. Like babies.

Master: She would.

Silence: *reigns*

Chapter 8, Part 1Collapse )

Eurgh, that was painful.

Edward-O-Meter: 027. The next chapter features alone time with Edward, so expect some rocketing figures.

Chapter 8, Part 2.
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The natives are: tiredtired
09 March 2009 @ 12:35 pm

EmeryBoard: Just to refresh your memories, I am being held hostage by two character who I intend to kill very shortly and am rewarding all your patience with the second half to this chapter. Cash, applause and lockpicks gratefully accepted.

Master: Look, we have plans. The sooner you stop fighting with the handcuffs, the faster we can get through this MST.

Chapter 7, Part 2Collapse )

Edward-O-Meter still resides at 026 -seriously, for the most GRATEST AND EPICEST TRU LUV OF ALL TIEM!!1!!, Edward really hasn't shown up all that much. At least Romeo didn't vanish halfway through the play to hunt mountain lions or some junk.

Master: And they both die at the end. Don't forget that.

Everyone: *happy sigh*

Chapter 8, Part 1
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The natives are: sleepysleepy
09 March 2009 @ 12:33 pm

Master: *taps microphone* Is this thing on?

Microphone: *squeal*

Doctor: *winces* It’s on, you idiot, it’s on!

Master: Everyone knows your anger is only a disguise for your deep love for me, Doctor. No need to make it even more obvious.

Doctor: Of course. I burn with unrequited love for a man with a beard, my coat was a work of artistic genius and my mother was a human. Do you have any other leaps of absurdity to extend the prologue?

Master: Really, Doctor, the way you fawn in public is simply embarrassing. It’s got to stop.

Doctor’s teeth: *grind*

Master: Where is EmeryBoard anyway? She was supposed to be here . . .

*Doctor drags EmeryBoard from behind the stage, chained to a refrigerator*

EmeryBoard: *sulkily* I took ages to get the last one out, so they said I have to do another one already. So here you go.

Doctor: Oh, lighten up. How bad can it be?


EmeryBoard: . . .

Doctor: Erm, that bad, apparently.

Master: Grab Emery before she bludgeons herself unconscious on the fridge, would you Doctor?

EmeryBoard: I won’t do it! You can’t make me! YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

Doctor: Look, it can’t possibly be as bad as all that!

Master: . . .

EmeryBoard: *tries to hang herself with the chain*

Doctor: This is going to be a lo-ong MST . . .

Chapter 7, Part 1Collapse )

Chapter 7, Part 2
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The natives are: weirdweird
25 February 2009 @ 02:22 pm
Sookie Stackhouse > Bella Swan.

That is all.
The natives are: bitchybitchy
25 February 2009 @ 11:54 am

Come one, come all! Within we have the next ‘exciting’ instalment of Twilight. Gaze at the massacre of the human language! Scream at the brutal butchery! Hold your loved ones tight as you witness the worst seduction attempt since Pepi le Pew’s last encounter with that poor, poor black cat!

Doctor: Are you trying to drive everyone away?

EmeryBoard: It’s my legal and cultural obligation, or I could get sued for unexpected exposure to unlawful stupidity.

Master: That can’t be right. No one ever said anything about the Doctor's coat when he was on TV.

Doctor: For the last time, there is nothing wrong with my coat. And when was I ever on television?

EmeryBoard: *repairs the fourth wall*

Master: I shall summarise the previous chapter for clarity’s sake. Peoples of the universe, please attend carefully.

EmeryBoard: Lord in heaven, this has spread beyond plant Earth?!

Cass: Duh. You’ve heard of Vogon poetry, right?

EmeryBoard: Uh-huh. Third worst in the universe.

Doctor: So Vogon literature would be . . .

Cass: Twilight.

Master: Exactly what are you doing here anyway?

Cass: Cloud’s being emo again, even though I told him he’s only like that in Advent Children.

Cloud: I got Aerith killed. Or was it Aeris? I can’t even remember her name properly. Oh god I’m so depressed . . .
Apologies to FFVII and Hitchhiker fans everywhere.

Doctor and Master: 0.o

EmeryBoard: Back to summarising. Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Master: You mean you actually retain this stuff after you read it?

EmeryBoard: The stupid sears itself into my cerebellum. I have no choice in the matter. Now do you people see how much I love you all? I have wholes lines from this IN MY HEAD for you.

Master: Moving on . . . They went to an absurdly purple beach and now Bella has magnetically attracted the prettiest boy in the book who is not Edward. No signs of the plot. And now today’s episode.

Chapter 6, Part 2Collapse )

EmeryBoard: Sorry this was so late. There’s no real excuse, other than general other-stuff-to-do (it’s a vicious cycle: when I work on this I feel guilty for not working on Ideas Don’t Die, when I work on IDD, I feel guilty for not working on this. Plus, I have Buffy, Bones, Bleach and Neon Genesis Evangelion to watch, which gives me considerable conflict. Usually, I resolve my dilemma by selecting ‘none of the above’ and reading fanfic instead. It’s a hard life.)

Edward-O-Meter: Still on 026, but apparently he shows up in the next chapter, so we'll have lots of masochism and misogyny to rant over. And cupcake marble Adonis sparkliness to mock.

Chapter 7, Part 1
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The natives are: crushedTwilight kills me dedd
30 January 2009 @ 11:48 am

And we’re back again, considerably earlier this time. Apologies to all those who didn’t know who on earth I was hauling in for the MST last time –I promise we’ll be sticking with the more well-known MST victims volunteers for the next few chapters. The Master and the Doctor are participating this week.

Since frodolass was kind enough to submit an absolutely massive comment in four parts last time around, her reward comes in the form of the Sixth Doctor, whom she recommended a couple of MSTs back.

I’m also thinking of going through the great vampires –Louis and Lestat, Dracula and Mina Harker, Spike and Angel, that sort of thing. Thoughts? Opinions?

I did consider using Mello and Near, but I got into the first paragraph and ended up with the following:

Mello: What the EXPLETIVE DELETED is this EXPLETIVE DELETED?! My EXPLETIVE DELETED boyfriend does better EXPLETIVE DELETED work than this EXPLETIVE DELETED when he’s just been EXPLETIVE DELETED until he can’t stand! EXPLETIVE DELETED Bella, EXPLETIVE DELETED Edward and EXPLETIVE DELETED the publisher they EXPLETIVE DELETED rode in on!

Near: You all bore me immensely. Let me go back to making incredibly symbolic structures from tarot cards.

You can see my problem. Also, expletive is starting to not look like a word.

Doctor: That’s the trouble with you humans. No respect for the purity of your own language.

Master: I was always under the impression that English was a rather mongrelised language. Full of bits and pieces of French and Latin and German and Greek . . .

EmeryBoard: Something tells me this is going to be a very interesting MST . . .

Chapter 6, Part 1Collapse )

And the Edward-O-Meter stays at 025, since he wasn't here today. I really wish I could think of a profound way to end this, but right now I need an Advil. Or two. Come to think of it, downing the whole box is starting to look good. Ye gods and little fishes, why do I do this to myself?

Chapter 6, Part 2
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The natives are: blankblank