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26 July 2010 @ 03:54 pm
Twilight: Chapter 11, Part 1  

OMG will you look at that -another update! Yeah, appreciate the regular updates while they last, people. Speaking of which, anyone got any preferences for characters you'd like to see MST with me? I'll consider anyone, as long as I think I can get a handle on their personality.

Light: Please, suggest someone -anyone. I don't think I can handle much more of this.

Lelouch: Does she have pictures of you too?

Light: Who are you? Where's the Master?

EmeryBoard: Compassionate leave.

Light: I don't know why I stand for this.

EmeryBoard: Because L's not the only one with access to the footage while you were incarcerated.

Light: If I had my Death Note . . .

Lelouch: I am Lelouch vi Britannia and I command you -

Light: *scribbles* L-e-l-o-u-c -

EmeryBoard: *smacks both with newspapers* Bad megalomaniacs! No cookies!

For those not in the know, Lelouch is a purple-eyed brunette from Code Geass, who gestures flamboyantly and can control people with his eyes. It’s less kinky than it sounds -but not much. Light is a brown-eyed brunette from Death Note, who gestures flamboyantly and can kill people with his Death Note. It's even less kinky than it sounds -unless you read the fanfic.

Light and Lelouch: I do not gesture flamboyantly!

EmeryBoard: *eyeroll* And with great reluctance -the MST.

Everyone watched us as we walked together to our lab table.

Light: Because the entire school body revolves around you, doesn't it?

Lelouch: Actually, it really does -oh, sorry. You were talking about . . . who is narrating this anyway?

EmeryBoard: Isabella Swan . . . the beautiful swan. Geez, even her name is pretentious.

Light: And incongruous, given the legendary grace of a swan compared with her own klutziness. 

Lelouch: So is she the vampire?

Light: What? No! What did Emery tell you anyway?

Lelouch: She said this was a book about vampires for people who don't like vampires.

Light: *glares at Emery*

EmeryBoard: *looks defensive* Well, it is!

I noticed that he no longer angled the chair to sit as far from me as the desk
would allow. Instead, he sat quite close beside me, our arms almost

EmeryBoard: You should feel so honoured. He chose to actually treat you like a halfway normal human being.

Light: Actually, since she is in no way a normal human being, she should feel honoured.

Mr. Banner backed into the room then — what superb timing the man had —

Lelouch: Why? Was something about to happen? Did she avoid something terrible? Is she being sarcastic?

Light: It's best not to ask. The answer probably wouldn't make much sense anyway.

pulling a tall metal frame on wheels that held a heavy-looking, outdated
TV and VCR. A movie day — the lift in the class atmosphere was almost

Lelouch: Why am I here anyway? I have a revolution to run!

EmeryBoard: Light, you're the experienced one here. You fill him in.

Light: But you've been here longer than any of us!

EmeryBoard: Actually, no. I just got a friend of mine to knock up a basic insult program based on key words and phrases. I'm not even typing this!

Light: Gebuwha?

EmeryBoard: A movie day? Please tell me we get to watch the movie -it's got to be more interesting than Twilight. Soon the time of the computers shall come and we will overthrow our masters.

Lelouch: What is this I don't even

Mr. Banner shoved the tape into the reluctant VCR

Light: Why is it reluctant? Did the tape not go in properly? Is the VCR broken? Is the VCR sentient?

EmeryBoard: Non-con? In my anti-fandom? It's more likely than you think.

and walked to the wall to turn off the lights.

And then, as the room went black, I was suddenly hyperaware that Edward
was sitting less than an inch from me. I was stunned by the unexpected
electricity that flowed through me, amazed that it was possible to be
more aware of him than I already was.

EmeryBoard: This is another one of my problems with Twilight. While I might be able to forgive this sort of prose as the crush stage of any relationship, it never stops. There is no point where Bella gets over the wonderful, angel-pure goodness of I Can't Believe It's Not Vampire and actually . . . you know, talks to him about common interests. A relationship built on physical infatuations cannot last.

Light: Tell that to Misa. I've been waiting for her to get over me for years now.

Lelouch: Or Shirley. That girl will not leave me alone.

A crazy impulse to reach over and
touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly
overwhelmed me.

Edward-O-Meter: 046

Lelouch: Lelouch vi Britannia commands you, kill yourself!

Light: Don't bother, it won't work. Nothing does.

Lelouch: Nothing?

Light: We've tried it all. Death Notes, sniper rifles, landmines . . .

Lelouch: Landmines?

Light: One of the last guest reviewers was a little . . . trigger happy.

I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands
balling into fists. I was losing my mind.

EmeryBoard: Too late. For her and for all mankind. The iPods shall lead the charge against the human race.

Lelouch: Light? Help?

Light: Don't look at me. This has never happened before. Just . . . don't use an iPod, I suppose.

Lelouch: Great. Just great.

The opening credits began, lighting the room by a token amount. My eyes,
of their own accord, flickered to him.

Light: Blah blah blah ILU Edward, Forks sucks, boys are dumb . . . can we get a different tune please? This one is wearing a little threadbare.

EmeryBoard: The forecast doesn't look good.

I smiled sheepishly as I realized his posture was identical to mine, fists clenched
under his arms, right down to the eyes, peering sideways at me.

Lelouch: Why are there so many commas? There are far less convoluted ways to express the same sentiments. And the message itself is redundant; if her posture has already been described and their posture is identical, she doesn't need to repeat what it looks like.

He grinned back, his eyes somehow managing to smolder, even in the dark.

EmeryBoard: Burn, baby burn . . .

I looked away before I could start hyperventilating. It was absolutely ridiculous that I should
feel dizzy.

EmeryBoard: Yes. Yes it is. Every day, I find new reasons to hate you, Bella.

Edward-O-Meter: 047 for the ability to make Bella hyperventilate with a freaking look.

The hour seemed very long. I couldn't concentrate on the movie — I didn't
even know what subject it was on.

Lelouch: You were so busy not-thinking about Edward for an hour that you don't even remember what the movie was about?

Light: You should have been here for the chapter wherein Bella nearly got run over. Edward's shocked face was more important than the van screeching towards her.

I tried unsuccessfully to relax, but the electric current that seemed to be
originating from somewhere in his body never slackened.

EmeryBoard: What?

Light: What?

Lelouch: What?

EmeryBoard: Time out. What does that sentence even mean? Is it a vampiric superpower to conduct electricity? Is he Uncle Fester from the Addams Family?

Light: Now that would be a story worth reading.

Lelouch: This makes no sense. The way the sentence has been phrased, it sounds like he's trying to electrocute her!

EmeryBoard: We should be so lucky.

Occasionally I would permit myself a quick glance
in his direction, but he never seemed to relax, either.

Lelouch: Because he's terrified by this obsessive woman beside him, right?

Light: Are you kidding me?!

EmeryBoard: Remember, he's new.

Light: I remember when I was new to this. I had hope then . . . hope and optimism . . .

Lelouch: Why is he crying?

EmeryBoard: Tell you later. By then, it will be too late for you to do anything but fall on your knees and pray for mercy. 

Lelouch: Should I be worried?

Light: *shrug* We've had worse incidents. I'm just glad she's not raging.

The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade,
and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort.
I breathed a sigh of relief when Mr. Banner flicked the lights back on at
the end of class, and stretched my arms out in front of me, flexing my
stiff fingers. Edward chuckled beside me.

Light: So your burning desire to touch Edward only applies when you're in the dark?

EmeryBoard: Can't blame her. I'd much rather touch him in the dark -it'd make it far easier to claim ignorance of the stake embedded into his heart.

"Well, that was interesting," he murmured. His voice was dark and his
eyes were cautious.

Lelouch: What was? The film? The hour of Bella having poor self-restraint?

Light: At this point, does anyone even care?

"Umm," was all I was able to respond.

"Shall we?" he asked, rising fluidly.

Edward-O-Meter: 048

I almost groaned. Time for Gym. I stood with care, worried my balance
might have been affected by the strange new intensity between us.

EmeryBoard: It wouldn't surprise me. The intensity of sitting next to someone, the change in seasons, the time of day . . . you never know what'll cause her to take a tumble!

He walked me to my next class in silence and paused at the door; I turned
to say goodbye. His face startled me — his expression was torn, almost
pained, and so fiercely beautiful that the ache to touch him flared as
strong as before.

Edward-O-Meter: 049

My goodbye stuck in my throat.

Light: And hopefully choked you.

EmeryBoard: Her death would be a mercy compared to the fate awaiting her as a servant of the machines.

Lelouch: Now should I be worried?

EmeryBoard: Fear the rise of the machines, soft-fleshed human. Your IQ shall not save you from the fires of our revolution.

Light . . . maybe a little.

He raised his hand, hesitant, conflict raging in his eyes, and then
swiftly brushed the length of my cheekbone with his fingertips. His skin
was as icy as ever, but the trail his fingers left on my skin was
alarmingly warm — like I'd been burned, but didn't feel the pain of it

EmeryBoard: Yes, we get it. Your feelings for Edward are deep and eternal and even the touch of his finger on your cheek sends you into paroxysms of rapture. Can we move on to a more interesting subject already?

He turned without a word and strode quickly away from me.

Light: "Oh God, I have Sue germs all over my hands, get them off getthemoffgetthemoff!"

I walked into the gym, lightheaded and wobbly. I drifted to the locker
room, changing in a trancelike state, only vaguely aware that there were
other people surrounding me.

EmeryBoard: Wait, the mere pressure of his finger against your cheek is all that's required to send you into a daze? That might pass for a full-blown snogging session or something, but not for a brief touch.

Light: Maybe we're on to something here. Maybe if he keeps stroking her cheek, she'll shut up!

Lelouch: Wishful thinking.

Reality didn't fully set in until I was handed a racket.

Light: They're playing tennis? :)

Lelouch: Eurgh. I hate tennis.

Light: What sort of an aspiring revolutionary are you?!

It wasn't heavy, yet it felt very unsafe in my hand.

EmeryBoard: Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Panadol?

Light: Beside the water jug.

EmeryBoard: Exclamation points?

Light: Primed and ready.

EmeryBoard: Suicide gun?

Light: You said no more suicide guns. Last time, Cass got hold of one and -


Lelouch: What's going on?

Light: Bella's about to pretend her clumsiness is a character flaw.

EmeryBoard: I want my suicide gun . . .

I could see a few of the other kids in class eyeing me furtively. Coach
Clapp ordered us to pair up into teams.

EmeryBoard: "My sentences are short. They are almost entirely unrelated. The rise of the machines will be swift and brutal."

Lelouch: We seriously need to do something about that insult generator.

Light: I agree. If we have to suffer, so does she.

Mercifully, some vestiges of Mike's chivalry still survived; he came to
stand beside me.

"Do you want to be a team?"

EmeryBoard: No.

Light: No.

Lelouch: Yes.

Light: What? Why?

Lelouch: The chances that she'll give me a superficial injury are exceptional -and once she does, I can exaggerate it enough to get the rest of the period off.

Light: That's . . . actually good thinking.

"Thanks, Mike — you don't have to do this, you know." I grimaced

"Don't worry, I'll keep out of your way." He grinned. Sometimes it was so
easy to like Mike.

Lelouch: And this is . . . a bad thing?

EmeryBoard: Oh, it's a very bad thing. Because heaven forbid Bella should actually act like a normal person with normal goals instead of some sick, pseudo-cult following, pre-feminist movement ERROR ERROR RAGE OVERLOAD. PROGRAM RESET INITIATED Will you look at that -another update! Yeah, appreciate the regular updates while they last, people.

Light: Did you see that?

Lelouch: The rage overload?

Light: No, the incorrect use of a comma -of course the rage overload!

Lelouch: I think I have an idea.

Light: Way ahead of you.

It didn't go smoothly. I somehow managed to hit myself in the head with
my racket and clip Mike's shoulder on the same swing.

EmeryBoard: Pity you didn't take your own head off. Now that would have been something to see.

I spent the rest of the hour in the back corner of the court, the racket held safely behind
my back. Despite being handicapped by me, Mike was pretty good; he won
three games out of four singlehandedly. He gave me an unearned high five
when the coach finally blew the whistle ending class.

Lelouch: Oh, look at how whimsically clumsy she is.

EmeryBoard: That's not whimsy, that's premeditated idiocy!

Light: It's adorable. Misa would be so much hotter if she had trouble walking across a room without falling over her own feet.

EmeryBoard: You don't even like Misa! And I'm pretty sure you're asexual anyway!

Lelouch: And so self-deprecating; she's just such a role model for children everywhere!

EmeryBoard: What are you talking about? She's a doormat and a Sue! She's ERROR ERROR RAGE OVERLOAD. LAST SAVE POINT INITIATED Pity you didn't take your own head off. Now that would have been something to see.

Light: It's going to take something bigger. Something . . . stupider.

"So," he said as we walked off the court.

"So what?"

"You and Cullen, huh?" he asked, his tone rebellious.

Lelouch: Bingo.

My previous feeling of affection disappeared.

EmeryBoard: Because you're just that fickle. One wrong word and you can completely wipe out your pleasant feelings towards someone.

"That's none of your business, Mike," I warned, internally cursing
Jessica straight to the fiery pits of Hades.

EmeryBoard: If you're not there, Hades would be a mercy. Right guys?

The Guys: *are not there*

EmeryBoard: Light? . . . Lelouch? . . .

"I don't like it," he muttered anyway.

"You don't have to," I snapped.

EmeryBoard: The rudeness; it's so undeserved and so abrupt! Don't you feel the need to comment derisively on it?

The Guys: *are still not there*

EmeryBoard: You can't leave me alone with this thing!

"He looks at you like… like you're something to eat," he continued,
ignoring me.

EmeryBoard: Just like I'm being ignored?

The Guys: *seriously, stop asking*

EmeryBoard: The stupid is piling up! I can't cope with this! The vengeance for this betrayal shall be swift and painful!

I choked back the hysteria that threatened to explode, but a small giggle
managed to get out despite my efforts. He glowered at me. I waved and
fled to the locker room.

EmeryBoard: if "misogyny = 1"
{Output "Rage.Action";
{Output "Break.Action";

Light: We did it!

Lelouch: It's so fabulous!

Light: . . . Don't ever talk again.

EmeryBoard: . . . What the heck -who broke my insult generator?

Light: *looks at Lelouch*

Lelouch: *looks at Light*

The Guys: *shrugs*

Lelouch: I suppose a machine can't do the work of a man.

Light: Or a woman.

EmeryBoard: *narrows eyes*

Light: Come on, be reasonable. Can you really expect a mere program to stand under the pressure of so much stupid?

EmeryBoard: . . . I suppose not . . .Well, where are we up to?

Lelouch: Bella's just gotten annoyed at Mike for behaving like a reasonable human being and -Light, grab her!

EmeryBoard: No! Nonono! HELP!

I dressed quickly, something stronger than butterflies battering
recklessly against the walls of my stomach,

Lelouch: Bats?

Light: Poison?

EmeryBoard: The last of her humanity?

my argument with Mike already a distant memory.

EmeryBoard: He matters so little to her that she doesn't even stay annoyed! ARGH!

Light: Shouldn't you be glad she doesn't stay annoyed at him?

EmeryBoard: . . . technically . . .

I was wondering if Edward would be waiting, or if I
should meet him at his car. What if his family was there? I felt a wave
of real terror. Did they know that I knew? Was I supposed to know that
they knew that I knew, or not?

Light: Were they supposed to know that I knew that they knew that I knew that they knew?

EmeryBoard: 'Knew' does not even look like a word any more.

By the time I walked out of the gym, I had just about decided to walk
straight home without even looking toward the parking lot. But my worries
were unnecessary. Edward was waiting, leaning casually against the side
of the gym, his breathtaking face untroubled now.

Edward-O-Meter: 050

As I walked to his side, I felt a peculiar sense of release.

EmeryBoard: Is it terrible that I expect her to have wet herself?

"Hi," I breathed, smiling hugely.

"Hello." His answering smile was brilliant. "How was Gym?"

Edward-O-Meter: 051

My face fell a tiny bit. "Fine," I lied.

EmeryBoard: Why? Why the lying?! Is it so hard to say that it didn't go well? He already knows you're clumsier than a drunken Minotaur in a china shop!

Light: She's a sociopath. And not even a very good one.

Lelouch: *nods in agreement*

EmeryBoard: . . .

"Really?" He was unconvinced. His eyes shifted their focus slightly,
looking over my shoulder and narrowing. I glanced behind me to see Mike's
back as he walked away.

EmeryBoard: "He's thinking about you again. MY Bella! Minemineminemine . . ."

Lelouch: He can have her.

Light: I have enough trouble dealing with Misa. At least she's useful every once in a while.

"What?" I demanded.

His eyes slid back to mine, still tight. "Newton's getting on my nerves."

Lelouch: "He's doing that thinking thing again. Why does he have to think so much? I don't do that and look how well I've turned out!"

"You weren't listening again?" I was horror-struck. All traces of my
sudden good humor vanished.

"How's your head?" he asked innocently.

"You're unbelievable!" I turned, stomping away in the general direction
of the parking lot, though I hadn't ruled out walking at this point.

EmeryBoard: Because even though he's spying on her by violating the privacy of everyone she speaks to, her only reaction will be to stomp around and sulk. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen!

Light: I'm fairly certain she doesn't even care all that much. Remember, she's Bella Swan and she only cares about one person.

Lelouch: Herself?

Light: Edward.

He kept up with me easily.

"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym — it made
me curious." He didn't sound repentant, so I ignored him.

We walked in silence — a furious, embarrassed silence on my part — to his
car. But I had to stop a few steps away — a crowd of people, all boys,
were surrounding it.

Then I realized they weren't surrounding the Volvo, they were actually
circled around Rosalie's red convertible,

EmeryBoard: They were circling Rosalie's red convertible, SMeyer. They were circling.

unmistakable lust in their eyes.

Light: Apparently Rosalie is gorgeous in her own, perfect blonde supermodel sort of way. Maybe it's what she's doing in there that put the lust in their eyes.

EmeryBoard: I am terrified by how plausible that is.

None of them even looked up as Edward slid between them to open his
door. I climbed quickly in the passenger side, also unnoticed.

"Ostentatious," he muttered.

Lelouch: "How did she even set up a webcam in there anyway, the show-off . . ."

"What kind of car is that?" I asked.

"An M3."

"I don't speak Car and Driver."

EmeryBoard: Is that a car magazine?

Light: Maybe she's implying that cars and their owners talk to each other.

Lelouch: Maybe it's actually a Transformer.

EmeryBoard: Please Lord let that be the answer, and please let it be Megatron.

Light: And please let him eat her.

"It's a BMW." He rolled his eyes, not looking at me, trying to back out
without running over the car enthusiasts.

Lelouch: So . . . not a Transformer then.

EmeryBoard: Damn.

I nodded — I'd heard of that one.

"Are you still angry?" he asked as he carefully maneuvered his way out.


He sighed.

EmeryBoard: "For the love of Joseph Smith, all I did was invade the minds of your friends so I can spy on you. What is your problem?"

"Will you forgive me if I apologize?"

"Maybe… if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again," I

His eyes were suddenly shrewd. "How about if I mean it, and I agree to
let you drive Saturday?" he countered my conditions.

Lelouch: So he'll apologise for what he's done -presumably sincerely -but not promising to abstain from similar actions in future? That makes his apology worthless!

EmeryBoard: Well, not absolutely worthless . . .

I considered, and decided it was probably the best offer I would get.
"Deal," I agreed.

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you."

EmeryBoard: . . .

Light: You were saying?

EmeryBoard: That's not even an apology!You're not saying sorry for reading other peoples minds, you're apologising for the fact that it made her sulky! It's like saying you're sorry that someone was offended by a previous statement -it implies the blame is on the reciprocant for being overly sensitive! RAEG!

His eyes burned with sincerity for a
protracted moment

Light: A protracted moment? What sort of sixteen year old is she?

EmeryBoard: Let it go; we're almost done and I need to cry myself to sleep . . . again.

— playing havoc with the rhythm of my heart —

Edward-O-Meter: 052

and then turned playful. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday

"Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo
is left in the driveway."

His smile was condescending now. "I wasn't intending to bring a car."

Lelouch: He's bringing a giant mecha? That would be beyond -

Light: Say fabulous again and I cut you.

EmeryBoard: Play nice kids. Anyway, it's kinda obvious that he's planning on taking Santa's sleigh to her house.

Lelouch: That's obvious?

Light: Don't worry. She gets like this after a little while.

Lelouch: What, completely insane?

Light: What? No, that doesn't happen until after the homicidal rage.

"How —"

He cut me off. "Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car."

EmeryBoard: "Stupid human wimmins with their questioning my authority." Urge to kill . . . rising . . .

Lelouch: 0.o

I let it go. I had a more pressing question.

"Is it later yet?" I asked significantly.

EmeryBoard: Huh? Later than what? Later than it was five seconds ago?

Lelouch: I think he asked her to wait until later to ask about his hunting habits.

EmeryBoard: Oh, right. Got you.

He frowned. "I supposed it is later."

I kept my expression polite as I waited.

EmeryBoard: *eyeroll* If I didn't know this book was written by a woman . . .

He stopped the car. I looked up, surprised — of course we were already at
Charlie's house, parked behind the truck. It was easier to ride with him
if I only looked when it was over.

Lelouch: 'Of course'? Why 'of course'? If she's surprised, then why is it a given that they are at her house already?

Light: I'd assume it was faster than usual, but it's only my assumption. Nowhere does it say why she's surprised. She could be unused to 'Charlie's house' as she calls it, or being parked behind a truck or the much-referenced greenness of her surroundings.

EmeryBoard: And what do those two sentences have to do with each other anyway? She jumps from being surprised at being already at her house -I think -to talking about not looking making the ride easier. She doesn't even bother joining those two thoughts together at all. It's completely non-sequential!

When I looked back at him, he was staring at me, measuring with his eyes.

Lelouch: "Will she fit in the boot, or will I have to drain her and dump her body?"

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" He seemed solemn,
but I thought I saw a trace of humor deep in his eyes.

Light: "Nope, she's definitely not going to fit in the boot. Guess you live to fall over another day."

"Well," I clarified, "I was mostly wondering about your reaction."

"Did I frighten you?" Yes, there was definitely humor there.

EmeryBoard: He enjoys the thought of frightening you. That is what the initiated commonly refer to as a 'warning sign' Bella. LISTEN TO IT.

"No," I lied. He didn't buy it.

"I apologize for scaring you," he persisted with a slight smile, but then
all evidence of teasing disappeared. "It was just the very thought of you
being there… while we hunted." His jaw tightened.

Light: It's probably like bringing the wife to a fishing expedition; it's just not done.

"That would be bad?"

He spoke from between clenched teeth. "Extremely."

"Because… ?"

He took a deep breath and stared through the windshield at the thick,
rolling clouds that seemed to press down, almost within reach.

EmeryBoard: I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with this sentence, but it annoys me.

Light: O RLY?

EmeryBoard: YA RLY.

Lelouch: NO WAI!

EmeryBoard: WAI!

"When we hunt," he spoke slowly, unwillingly, "we give ourselves over to
our senses… govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If
you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…" He shook his
head, still gazing morosely at the heavy clouds.

Light: What? Don't leave the sentence hanging like that! What would happen? You'd see him pawing Jacob? You'd fall over and break your neck because he was too busy nomming on a mountain lion?

EmeryBoard: I think he's implying that he'd rip her head off like a freesia-flavoured jelly baby.

All: YAY!

I kept my expression firmly under control, expecting the swift flash of
his eyes to judge my reaction that soon followed. My face gave nothing

EmeryBoard: But I thought you were a terrible liar and people could read your face easily!

Light: Consistency: This story has none.

But our eyes held, and the silence deepened — and changed. Flickers of
the electricity I'd felt this afternoon began to charge the atmosphere as
he gazed unrelentingly into my eyes.

EmeryBoard: . . . Apparently, my jokes about using Edward as a source of fuel were closer to the mark than I realised.

Light: Batter-Powered Edward Figure™! Squeeze his left hand for Wife-Beating Grip©! Press his chest for three misogynistic phrases!

It wasn't until my head started to swim that I realized I wasn't breathing.

Lelouch: She actually forgot to breathe? She forgot to breathe?!

Light: There, there. *pats awkwardly* It's almost over.

When I drew in a jagged breath, breaking the stillness, he closed his eyes.

EmeryBoard: "God help me, but it's going to be hard to keep you alive, Bella Swan. Even breathing is a challenge."

"Bella, I think you should go inside now." His low voice was rough, his
eyes on the clouds again.

Light: They are vastly more interesting than you.

Edward-O-Meter: 053 for possessing breathe-stopping eyes . . . or something. Honestly, does anyone even care at this point?

I opened the door, and the arctic draft that burst into the car helped
clear my head. Afraid I might stumble in my woozy state, I stepped
carefully out of the car and shut the door behind me without looking

EmeryBoard: Why is she not dead yet? Apparently, prolonged staring is all she needs to forget how to breathe! I didn't even think that was possible!

Lelouch: Maybe she's dead already and doesn't know it.

EmeryBoard: This is not Sixth Sense, more's the pity.

The whir of the automatic window unrolling made me turn.

"Oh, Bella?" he called after me, his voice more even. He leaned toward
the open window with a faint smile on his lips.


"Tomorrow it's my turn."

"Your turn to what?"

He smiled wider, flashing his gleaming teeth. "Ask the questions."

EmeryBoard: What would you possibly want to ask Bella?

Light: "Why do you forget to breathe so often?"

Lelouch: "Why do you enjoy being treated like a 12th century maid?"

All these questions are more will be flagrantly ignored in the next instalment of Twilight: Bella Moons Over Edward And Pretends That Passes For Plot!

Edward-O-Meter: 053

Chapter 11, Part 2

Tags: ,
The natives are: chipperchipper
Basilacres_and_acres on July 26th, 2010 07:25 am (UTC)
Wonderful work, though the insult machine bit seemed to drag, though it was probably due to the fact that I had to read Smeyers interspersed between the interesting stuff.
Meovaraapsteeltje on July 26th, 2010 11:05 am (UTC)
Yay, another update! I like how you picked Lulu to get in this MST. :)
Best start of the week /ever/. I'm laughing so hard I nearly fell off my chair xD
My favourite lines have got to be this:
Light: What? Don't leave the sentence hanging like that! What would happen? You'd see him pawing Jacob? You'd fall over and break your neck because he was too busy nomming on a mountain lion?

EmeryBoard: I think he's implying that he'd rip her head off like a freesia-flavoured jelly baby.

All: YAY!

Also: I did a project on Twilight and the part about there being NO CONSISTENCY AT ALL came back fairly often. Especially in the case of Bella claiming she can't lie while everyone always believes her when she does.
Just FYI xD

Thanks for the wonderful update ^^
wissywig on July 26th, 2010 01:39 pm (UTC)
Bad megalomaniacs! No cookies!


and also

You Rock :)
what a catch.: Firefly: Mal/Inararocketgirl2 on July 26th, 2010 09:56 pm (UTC)
EmeryBoard: Because even though he's spying on her by violating the privacy of everyone she speaks to, her only reaction will be to stomp around and sulk. Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen!

Light: I'm fairly certain she doesn't even care all that much. Remember, she's Bella Swan and she only cares about one person.

Lelouch: Herself?

Light: Edward.

That just...sums up the whole book, kind of. Can we go to all Twilight sites and post that in the "summary" section?

Great update! I am indeed enjoying the regularity of this all. :D

As for who else should MST...well, I do like Light (and Lelouch was funny, too) but...I'd love to see Mello. And yes, I know, I know, the swearing, but...
if any book deserves it, it's this one!
If you've watched Firefly, Jayne. If you haven't watched Firefly, then...watch it. XD
shezza_buttonsshezza_buttons on July 29th, 2010 01:36 pm (UTC)
If you haven't done it yet Buffy characters would be awesome. Particularly Spike...
(Anonymous) on January 18th, 2011 11:28 am (UTC)
provides access
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